Closure
by IndigoProphecy
Summary: It was their number one unspoken rule to never speak of the truth they both knew. But as time passes and the truth becomes more and more tangled, Holly and Artemis realize that they have to talk about it, sooner or later. A oneshot about the inevitable conversation. Unapologetic A/H.


**Closure**

Her fingers laced through the purples and pinks and chiffons. Really, these humans and their abominable wastage of paper. She looked at the useless, environmentally wasteful frivolities in the tall stack of invitations on Artemis' desk. Holly flipped one after the other, going through the stack. All of it were invitations to galas, balls and soirees. They varied: auctions, charity functions, birthdays, polo events. Most were celebrating such mundane events that Holly was sure were mere excuses to spend and show off money.

"Duchess' 21st," Holly opened the crystal-encrusted envelope. "You actually know a girl named _Duchess._Wait. You actually know a girl?"

"No, I don't. She's another one of my mother's friends' daughters. I think the girl is _actually _a duchess, and her mother thought it prudent if her daughter was Duchess Duchess, and thus named her as such." Artemis replied. He looked down on his mother's shallow socialite peers, and abhorrently, his mother insisted he interacted with them. His irritation with his predicament was blatant. Yet again, Artemis was at his mother's mercy.

"I can't believe she's making you come to all of these." Holly picked a particularly eye-catching one from the pile. It was a pop-up, which played a song when you unfolded the card.

"I don't have to go to each one. Just at least two for every seven to keep Mother sated. I tell her that I'm a busy man. After all, I am running Fowl Industries and various other personal projects."

"Well, I hope those personal projects are legal, Artemis." Holly teased. She sighed, flippantly messing up the carefully arranged stack. "Gods, what do you do at these things?"

"Mostly, I stay at an adjacent private room and do work through my phone."

"I doubt that's what Angeline wants you to do. What _does _she expect you to do at these?" Holly made a face, gingerly holding up a ribbon decked _thing._

"Get a girlfriend. Though how she expects me to manage _that _is completely out of my comprehension."

"You with a girlfriend. Now that's something I'd pay one metric ton of gold for." Holly had abandoned the now unorganized files and shifted her attention to the previously neglected box of Belgian biscuits that Artemis had laid out for both of them. She picked up one delicate piece and carefully took a bite.

Artemis smiled, amused at Holly's comment. He took Holly's proffered biscuit before continuing working on his laptop in silence.

"It's really weird. I just can't imagine you with a girlfriend. Not even Minerva. I just can't. It's like you're not made to be with anyone on this earth."

Holly stopped, realizing the implications of her words. The silence that followed Holly's unrestrained ramblings was pregnant. A blush of embarrassment warmed Holly's cheeks. She bit her lips. There were so many things wrong with her statement. Yes, it was true. She simply can't think of Artemis with any other woman, but her statements could be interpreted in so many different ways. Confusion, confusion, confusion.

Artemis' eyebrow rose. He was confused whether Holly was still teasing him in humor or if she was actually telling him a serious thought. Judging from her flustered expression, it was the latter.

"Yes, Holly. I am a monster who does not deserve love and consequentially, I will die alone." Artemis said, pretending to consider her statement as a joke. But really, it slightly bothered him. Holly knows him better than anyone else save Butler, and if this was her assessment of him…

"No, what I meant was- I didn't mean that you're too evil and you're destined to be alone because nobody can love you." Holly clamped her mouth shut, realizing it what she said just added salt to a wound.

"What I was trying to say-" She stopped in midsentence again. What _was_ she trying to say? Ugh, she could've just shut up and let him come up with his own assumptions. Assuming that she had meant an insult would be a better alternative to the next assumption he was probably going to make which was probably that she didn't want Artemis to be with any other partner.

Inwardly, she groaned. Sometimes, her growing so comfortable with Artemis was a disadvantage. She remembered once upon a time, she was so guarded with him that she barely spoke, unless she was about to say a threat or an insult.

To Artemis' credit, he remained silent and didn't show any reaction in his features. Artemis' usually passive features were Holly's saving grace. But still, she knew he was processing her statement. She could almost hear the cogs in his brain working.

"I'm sorry." Holly tried. She was. "I didn't mean it."

"Yes, you did. The fact that you didn't want to tell me doesn't change the fact that it is still your true opinion." Artemis looked up from his work and surveyed Holly. "It's okay, Holly. I understand."

"No. You misunderstand. I didn't mean anything by it. I just meant simply that. That I can't imagine you with any other person."

"Any other person? Were you making a reference to someone?"

Unlike Artemis, Holly was the kind of person whose features become more expressive as she becomes more deeply acquainted with a person. And seeing as Holly and Artemis have been companions for over a decade now, her fiery emotions were always blatant on her elfin face, making it oh so easier for Artemis to read and memorize her. Right now, her eyes involuntary widened, giving Artemis an obvious clue to her shocked discomfiture.

Inwardly, he smirked. He did feel a tad guilty for making Holly uncomfortable, but really she deserved it. And it was very entertaining to watch the Captain be unsure for once. Sorry not sorry, Holly Short.

The fairy gave up. She refused to speak more lest she make the situation more awkward.

In the silence that followed, the two's thoughts ran in the same direction. Both Artemis and Holly knew _the _truth, and they knew that the other knows. Through the years they had reached a silent, unspoken consensus never speak of this truth. Neither of them had the courage to bring it up. And anyways, what is there to gain in talking about it? Confusion and the crumbling of the friendship they had invested so much on. Not talking about it let them forget about it at times, but it always resurfaces in their thoughts.

And as the years go on, the truth just gets more and more tangled and the lines between them gets blurrier and blurrier. It was only a matter of time before it blows up in their faces and consequently tatter their precious friendship.

Artemis sighed. "We have to talk about it, sooner or later."

His statement came as a shock, without a warning whatsoever. There they were, spending their rare aboveground lazy afternoons together and then suddenly: Artemis's strike. Holly knew her comment had spurred him on, but really she rather preferred that they just forget about the awkward slip-up and go on with their lives, just as they usually do whenever they would find themselves in a dangerous, relationship-blurring place.

Holly covertly glanced at Artemis, though they both knew she was looking. He was completely unperturbed. Artemis was the usual picture of supreme confidence. Perhaps he was talking about a completely different _it._

"Talk about what?" Holly tried to match his nonchalance, though she didn't quite manage it. To her frustration, her reply came slightly shriller than her usual speech. Though the difference was subtle, she was sure Artemis the High-Assed Genius picked it up.

True to her suspicions, she watched a small smile tug his lips. As she expected, he was amused at her discomfort. Holly swiveled the chair to face him, intent on covering her earlier blunder with a confidence to match his. Upon facing the human lounging on the other oxblood chair, Holly saw that despite his slight amusement, his features- his eyes especially- were somber and serious. The man's solemn expression confirmed Holly's growing panic.

Artemis' slight smile broke into a full one. It was intended to comfort Holly, who he could see was itching to dodge the topic. Moreover, the smile was to reinstate his courage. It was infinitely easier for him to join Holly in her undoubtedly coming changing-of-topic tactic. But no. He must persist.

"You know what. We both know _what_. We have known it for quite some time now." The smile was gone from Artemis' lips. His eyes leveled with her, demanding her to engage and commit to the conversation he was starting.

The humor and the nerves siphoned out of Holly then and there. So it was _this _conversation. Of course, she had thought about this conversation many a time, wasting valuable mind space thinking about what she would say and what he might say. But really, she rather not talk about it. She had hoped it would never come up, or if it had to, she had hoped it would come up when it was too late so there would be no catastrophic repercussions. Perhaps when he or she was already married. Holly was so afraid of its consequences. She doesn't want her constant, comforting life with Artemis to be shaken.

"Let's not, Artemis." Holly said, attempting to preempt it just as Artemis expected her too. "There's nothing to talk about, okay? We both know it, and we've been living with it for the past years and we're okay with it like this. So that's it."

"What's _it,_ Holly?"

"Don't make me say it, Artemis. You know exactly what _it _is."

"But I don't, unless you clarify, Holly." Artemis persisted. "You know how I hate being ignorant about the dimensions of something that I know about."

"There are no dimensions, Artemis. This is not some subject you're genius brain can earn a degree on," Holly spat. His remarks, as usual, sparked her temper. He was once again being an insensitive boor at the most inopportune of times.

"I know, Holly. I'm sorry." Artemis replied humbly. And then he trudged on: "We have to have this conversation eventually. I'm not persisting on this to woo you-"

"Woo me?" The elf was indignant. Holly made a face. _What the hell was he saying?_

Artemis continued, unabashed by her interruption. "If I was, I would've brought you to dinner or perhaps to the fairy roses. I'm pushing this because we need to clarify things, before it gets out of hand. We will have this conversation, and we can go back to normal afterwards. You have my word. So tell me Holly. What is _it?_" He had spoken in his usual demanding way: slowly, clearly and powerfully.

Holly looked back at his eyes, which has never looked away from her the moment he started this treacherous discussion. She was silent as she gathered her guts. Holly breathed in, deciding to get it over with. He was right: they were bound to talk about it some time, and she rather it was not when he was already at his death bed.

"_It _is the fact that we're both more than friends, okay?" She almost shouted the words. In a way, temper and fieriness was her defense system; it gave her courage. She stared him down, daring him to ridicule her or contradict her.

"How could we not be? You are such an integral, irremovable part of my life," Artemis held a hand up when Holly was about to interrupt. "We were never just _friends. _The word friend does injustice to everything you have done for me and everything I would do for you,"

Holly felt like… she merely _felt. _She felt so much emotion. His words had filled her with it. She could never have put into words as accurately and as eloquently as Artemis just had. It was exactly what she feels, too.

Silence has come upon them again. It was an accustomed silence: they have grown so close with each other's presence that no silence was completely awkward to them. As Artemis was a generally quiet, Holly had long since taught herself to be comforted by it. They didn't need aimless babble to sustain their relationship. They had spent so many moments like this, but this moment was heavier tenfold.

Holly sighed. "Our lifetimes, our species, our _height difference_. It's never going to happen, Artemis. I'm sorry."

"I know," Of course he does. And Holly knows that he knows. "Not to insult you Holly, but I wouldn't have anything other than what we have now. I'm content. More than so. Actually, I'm…happy. Ten years ago, I never thought I would be in this place."

Holly smiled and nodded. "It's pretty great to know I have someone in my life would be there for me, that understands me, that knows me no matter what. I'm happy, too."

"Thank you, Holly. For everything." Sincerity dripped from his every syllable, touching Holly. Most of it were familiar words, words he had spoken before, and it brought Holly back to another time.

Holly realized that while it was Artemis' second time to thank her, she had _never_ thanked him. Not once. She reached out and grasped Artemis' left hands with both of her own. "Thank you, Artemis. For everything, as well. For giving me this life. Gods, I don't even remember what I was doing before you. I don't really want to."

A beat. Holly closed her eyes, and when she opened them again they were filled with sadness. "You should know, Arty, that aside from the species thing, _it _could never happen because- gods, I can barely think about how much it would hurt when you're… _gone_. What more if we were actually toge-? I can't do it Artemis. I wouldn't know what to do, when you _die_. Heck, even now that we're just like this, I don't know. What more if."

"I'm sorry, Holly." He felt so selfish, even if being human was not his fault. He was the bad guy. He didn't deserve to be spared from the pain of being left behind. More than that, _Holly _doesn't deserve the pain of being left behind. The worse part was, there was nothing to do about it. They were far too tangled with each other. Their tragic end would be inevitable, and Holly got the worse half of it. As if everything wasn't enough, his left eye would stare right back at her in the mirror for every single day after he passes on, reminding and crushing her.

Artemis concludes that the universe was the biggest sadist of all.

Holly's had enough. She put her walls back up and smiled. Artemis, already grateful and satisfied that Holly consented that discussion, followed her suit. He directed their conversation into lighter terrain.

"You're right, Holly. I can't imagine being with a _girlfriend_." Artemis spat out the last word. It felt foreign and too colloquial on his tongue.

"Don't worry, Artemis. You'll get married eventually. Especially with those blue eyes, dark suit and mysterious past. It's the kind of thing girls eat up. And if- _when_ - your _boorishness _drives them away, Angeline would come to the rescue, I'm sure."

"Perhaps. But I'm sure I can't be in love with her, at least, not as much as I am with you."

Holly blinked, totally aghast that he had said the words. Even if he did not stated it directly, directly being _those _three words straight in a particular order, the sentence still had the essential words. Holly desperately tried to get over it well enough to muster a reply.

Artemis watched Holly deal with his play of words. He had meant it, of course. He had only phrased it as such as not to shock her as much. He knew she knew that he does feel that way, that he had so ever since he was a boy, but it must still be shattering to hear the words spoken aloud.

But then again, he doesn't have the capability to say the words. Artemis was certain of it. In fact, he can't recall a single moment in his life when he had said the words "I love you", not even to his parents. As a child, he was always taught it was a weakness. He was merely incapable of uttering the words. He doubted he ever will, even to someone was important as Holly.

He continued. After all, he had already muddled Holly. Might as well go with it. "It's a psychological miracle that someone as disturbed as me could love this much. And really, that's your fault as it is you who fixed me. But I doubt I have the capability to feel for some other person."

She remained speechless. Artemis decided to go easy on her and set her free of any obligations she might feel after their exchange. "You, on the other hand, have such an immense capability to love, Holly. It's what fixed me in the first place. You'll go on to love many other people and change their lives as immensely as you have mine."

"I-" Holly realized she couldn't say the words, too. Perhaps it was better that way. Perhaps it was meant to be that way. "So, what now, Artemis?"

"I did promise never to bring this up, and as you know, I am a man of my word." Holly smirked at that. _Yes, but the problem with you, Artemis, is that your word isn't exactly always truthful._

Having said all there was to be said, Artemis gave Holly her exit pass. Holly easily and gratefully took it. "So, what now? Now, it's time for dinner."

Artemis rose, and Holly followed. They made their way out of his office and to the left wing's terrace where they always dined on her rare visits. Already, they were lost in a conversation about Butler's prepared meal, seamlessly and silently agreeing to pretend the words they had shared hadn't touched their lives and souls. It strengthened their friendship, more than anything.

And so they lived on, perfectly content with pretending to be best friends and knowing they were so much more. Knowing was enough. They didn't need anything more.

* * *

**A/N: **Why do I spend time making these stuff? I just realized that I am utterly INCAPABLE of writing fanfiction that isn't Howl. I just _know _there are grammar holes in this one, as I tend to get carried away when I'm squeezing over what I'm writing. So do me a favor and point them out in a review.


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